Tuesday, August 07, 2007

today...

This post is totally spontanous. I have no idea what I am going to say other than what I am feeling right now and that is not good. I called my heart doctor's office yesterday and he was booked, the PA that I see was off yesterday so I was told she would call me today. So here I am waiting on what is to me a very important call. With no help from my internal doctor last week other than doubling my fluid pill to 80 mg a day I am only swelling worse and also having daily angina attacks.

Getting very near the end of my rope emotionally, I decided to give my heart doctor a try. It is amazing how little doctors care about their patients even if you relate to the receptionist the immediate concern of what is going on with my body. It all falls on deaf ears.

As I get to thinking about it, it has gotten to the point in life that I can really depend on no one, but the good Lord. I know I must take charge of whatever needs to be done and do the best I can with or without any help or cooperation. It is very depressing to say the least when you feel quite alone in this real world and depend only on the good Lord to help me maintain what little sanity I have left.

The only highlight in my life lately is hearing from Stephanie and seeing Caroline. Stephanie called yesterday just to see how I was doing. She or no one else knows how much that call meant to me. She also said that Caroline had finally got Grandma and Claudia together and as I was on the phone with her, I heard her say it. Granted it was not perfect, but I could tell exactly what she said and it just made my heart jump with joy. Stephanie also told me that she had three pictures of Caroline she was going to send that they had made of her for her 18th month picture and wanted me to pick out which of the three I wanted a 5 x 7 in. The grandma in me of course wanted them all, but I settled on one of the pictures. I am going to post the three pictures and if any of you think you know which one Moobear chose, drop me a comment and lemme see how many gets it right. Caroline was a bit outta sorts and did not like the BIG black camera coming toward her, so she was a bit reluctant to be all smiles. :)


I do love her dress in these pictures!









I will let you folks know which picture I did pick! Hope you all have a good day!


God Bless!

7 comments:

Happymama said...

I'm sorry you're not getting the help you are desperately seeking concerning your heart. If the Lord brings you to it, He will bring your through it. Keep trusting Him!!

I love the picture of Caroline standing, but then I love the one with her little foot sticking out of her dress too. You'll have a hard time deciding witch to take. Why not just scan them all, pick the one you want and then print the others. That way, no real decision is made and you still have all three! :)

~Kristi

Livey said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you feel you are so alone, I know the feeling well! But you are NOT alone! You email me anytime you feel down!
I know how frustrating it is to be sick and deal with unconcerned docs. Now, you don't have to take the double dose of the water pills if you don't want to. In fact, you don't have to follow the doctors advice if you don't want to!
Just make sure you drink lots of water, don't anything with caffeine in it either! Well actually a little caffeine is just as good as those damn water pills. Just drink lots of water ok? And make sure you pee!
And make sure you are keeping your feet elevated above your heart!
Oh, I wanna come take care of you!
Hugs honey!

Clara....in TN said...

Hi Claudia, I'm sorry you are not feeling up to par. I know the feeling about the Dr's.
I first thought you would choose the middle picture, but then after you said I like her dress....I bet you picked the first one. They are all so good. That would really be a hard decision. She is so cute.

Grammie said...

Claudia,

My heart goes out to you as you deal with your continuing health issues. Please hang in there, my friend.

I loved all three pictures...but #3 is my very favorite. What a sweetheart she is.

Take care of yourself and thanks for your kind words on my loss...
xoxo
Grammie

Marci said...

Oh Claudia, I will pray for you. I wish I could come and visit with you.

I think you picked the first picture, althought they are all 3 darling.

CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

Claudia, I wish I could be there to help you, I know when you aren't feeling well, it seems nothing goes right. I will be better, I promise you. I am sending your "Moobear" tomorrow. Each time you look at remember there is a friend in Texas that loves you and is very concerned for you and keeps you in her prayers.

I am with Happymama, I would scan the pictures and keep all three.lol
I never could chose between two pictures. When we used to go have a family pictures made, I could never chose, so we had to buy all because I didn't like the idea of them burning our family pictures. Weird aren't I? love you, connie from Texas

k said...

Well, I came here too late for the picture contest. I already know the answer now! But I'm with the ones who said, Hey, scan all 3. Why not? This is the digital age and we CAN!!!

I'm so very sorry you're having even more troubles that usual. I get so MAD at doctors and their staff when they DON'T CARE. What the heck are they there for???

I've been a little out of touch this week and so I missed this post at first. I'm a little upset with myself about that but I know YOU of all people understand. I think I'll be better now at checking in.

I'm worried about you, Moobear.

This one thing I noticed, where you said you have to depend on yourself to take charge and make sure things get taken care of? You're right.

I think many of us were raised with the idea that doctors are like God, and we should just put ourselves in their hands and not think about it ourselves. It doesn't work that way any more, if it ever did before.

You are less alone because of your readers and commenters and fellow bloggers, than because of any of the various medical people in your life.

We love you and worry about you and think about you and want you to feel better.