Tuesday, June 12, 2007

is this the end of my rope?...

I feel like I need to be here and put something on my blog to help me keep my sanity- And I ain't found one thing to laugh about at all so far today, but my intent is to find something to force a chuckle outta me and I am assuring myself that will happen.

Sometimes life can just drag you down to the hubs, specially when bad seems to go to worse and everything jumps on you at one time. I also remember that the Lord did not always promise us a rose garden, but He did say that He would not put more on us than we could bear and I believe that with all my heart. Yes.

Other than my more than usual angina I am doing ok, but we are really concerned about Jerrell's mom. So I am once again here asking for some help in praying for her. Cause I do know that many of my readers are prayer warriors and we need help. She mentally is going down so fast and it has us worried and decisions that are made are totally up to Jerrell and he of course always has her best interest in mind as we discuss her daily demise. Physically, she is doing so good, but for about two weeks she has been obsessed with her refrigerator running all the time. It only ran like it should. But she would not sleep a wink and would get up and unplug it. After doing that for two weeks, Jerrell cleaned it out, went to the store and bought her a brand new one and specifically asked for a quiet running refrigerator. He took off work on Friday for the purpose of getting her a new one so she could sleep and we could not have constant phone calls.

The phone started ringing Saturday morning before 6 a.m. and it was her calling us to tell us that the new refrigerator was not right, cause it too ran all the time. Oh me oh my. There we were both up bright and early and nothing and I mean nothing we said would satisfy her. Jerrell did fix it where she couldn't unplug it, but she used the temp control and shut it down. SOOO we thought for sure all was well as she did not mention it yesterday. This morning it is all starting over again. She is back on the fridge again. She refuses to turn on her tv, radio or anything that might entertain her or make her not sit in a quiet house and listen to things run. All she does is sit in her recliner and listen to that oh so annoying police scanner and take naps. After each nap, then she is totally lost in time, thinks it is another day. That is another thing, she never ever knows what day it is. Ever. She has a 9:15 standing hair do appointment every Thursday morning. She calls me last Thursday at 8:40 and says she went and they had a CLOSED sign and they must have closed and moved and didn't tell her. After she told me she was there at 8:30, I told her that they had not opened yet and for her to go back over there. Later that afternoon when Jerrell went to check on her as he has to do daily now, she had done just that and guess what, they were open and they did her hair. Whewwwww

The doctor told Jerrell last week that she does not need to be driving and I agree, but that means I would have to go every day and take her to Harris Teeter and The Medicine Shop and I am not able to do that. Bringing her up here is not something she is wanting to do nor does Jerrell think he can take both of us at the same time. He is hoping to make it til February when he will be fully retired but we both know that she is not going to be able to stay alone for much longer. A nursing home was not in our plans, although Jerrell has mentioned now that as being an option. I do not want that, nor does he, but if she kills us both , then she will be there anyways. So Jerrell, me and Mamaw really do need you alls prayers right now. Pray for Jerrell to make the right decisions as I do not advise him when it comes to her. Also prays for her, that she will be safe and not hurt herself or someone else until Jerrell finally gets her off the highway.

It ain't that none of you folks want to hear all this, but it is just a fact that I need to get it off my chest and that was the purpose of my blog in the beginning. I am holding up much better than Jerrell cause it ain't my mama, but it hurts and scares me to see him all upset with her as he has been "Mr. Calm" ever since his heart attack and I am afraid it is going to hurt his health worrying and dealing with her. If she were in her right mind, she was not the kind of lady that would ever for a second want to worry Jerrell or be a bother, but now it goes in one ear and out the other, ain't one bit of reasoning left in the lady. I love her, but she drives me nuts and I know that is why Jerrell won't go ahead and bring her up here. Fraid I'll go off the deep end and can you imagine that poor fellow having to live with two nuts? Poor man.

I am not taking this lightly but both Jerrell and I have laughed at a lot of her stuff cause if we didn't, he just might crack under the pressure too. Even Roxy goes and gets under a table when she comes up here cause she says the same thing to her over and over and over and Roxy senses something ain't right with her I guess so she just moses under the nearest table. Please remember us and all thoughts and prayers will be so much appreciated. I am praying for patience cause with her I ain't never really had a whole lots, but I gotta remember she is 91 and her mind is going or gone and I must be stronger and more patient with understanding her.

OK, I have made you folks miserable, but I declare I believe I feel better. Not cause I made you miserable, but cause I got it off my chest. I love you all and hope you understand where I am coming from. Have a wonderful day and if one of you gotta a funny you wanna share with me how bout emailing me at chbunting at carolina dot rr dot com .. :P~
Thanking you!!!

God Bless!


Clara....in TN said...

I will e-mail you with my funny!!!!

Grammie said...

You never need to apologize for what you write. Your blog is always authentic and full of feeling and that is why so many of us faithfully follow your posts.

Becoming caretakers to our aging parents is something that all of us either do....or will have to deal with in the future. It is a very emotionally stressful time.

It sounds like you and Jerrell are doing all that you can for his mom...so please feel good about that...as we keep you all in our prayers...

Jana said...

How about a live-in caregiver for her? She can stay in her own home, and have someone to take her to appointments and she will have someone to make sure she doesn't start wondering why the stove makes funny noises... =0)
Does she have a hearing aid? Maybe it needs adjusting!! You and Jerrell hang in there.

Ordinary Janet said...

I'd certainly take the car keys away from her immediately. I don't know if she'd accept a caregiver though. It's such a shame for someone to live so long and then go downhill mentally. Hope you get it worked out. And keep laughing-it's good for you, and if you don't laugh, you'll cry.

Sassy Sistah said...

Oh Moobear - I feel for you, your husband, and certainly your mother-in-law, that's for sure.

My mom had Alzeheimer's and it nearly drove US (her children) crazy for years. Getting her off the highway was only the beginning.

For us, there was no happy ending - until her very peaceful and beautiful death. (I know that sounds odd - but it WAS a beautiful and very peaceful passing.)

But for Mama - when we finally had to admit that there was no other choice (in order to keep her safe) than a nursing home, she adjusted fairly well and one of us went every single day to be sure she was well cared for and assured her that we loved her and would always be there for her. It was still a hard, hard, time for all of us. I remember driving home from the nursing facility many a time, with tears rolling down my cheeks. It was SO hard to see my Mama in that shape.

My heart goes out to you and your family. You will all be in my prayers. And yes, my friend, sometimes - often, even - you have to laugh or you'll start to cry and maybe never stop. Love you and thinking of you...