my mother is on my mind...

Some of you folks have seen this picture, but since I have some new readers, I am inserting it. :)

I hope all of you had a good weekend and all you mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day. I was pleased to have my youngest son with us and to talk with our oldest son in Ohio. I am truly blessed with two fine sons that love the Lord and give so much pleasure to me by seeing them happy and productive in their fields they chose in life.

I also thought about my own mother yesterday. August of this year, my mother will have been gone for 49 years. I was only 14 when she died, but I clearly remember many things as if it were yesterday. I remember her being diagnosed in 1953 and saw her suffer for the next five years. She had her surgery done at Duke University Hospital in Durham and spent many days in the hospital for the next five years, either at Ft. Bragg or Walter Reed Army Hospital. The times she was home was the best of times. I was the type of person that got homesick very easy, although I had to spend many nights away from mother. For those that have been homesick know it is truly a terrible feeling of helplessness.

We have come so far in treatment for cancer. Had we had then what we have now, I feel sure my mother would not have died from the cancer. The ironic fact that my oldest son is a scientist in cancer research just makes me proud in the right sorta way. From the time my dad was killed when she was pregnant with me, me and my brother was her life. We had little in material things, but we had much in love and enjoying our time together. I remember when my mother got down and was in such pain that she would pray to die. Even as a child, it hurt my heart to see her suffer and I could not do anything for her. My brother was two years older and he could drive at the time she was the worst and did so much more for our mother than I did or could. He called him "her little man" and he really was!

Mother was a tough lady to the very end. She did not want to die at home so she had told the doctor there in our little town to be sure and tell her when to go to the hospital. My brother knew lots more than I did, but mother sent me to church camp for a week, so I would not be there when she left for her final trip to Walter Reed.

My brother took her to the train station at Hamlet and they said their goodbyes. It takes a brave mother to see me leave for church camp knowing that would be the last time she would see me, yet she did not shed a tear or let on in the least and she did it all for me! That is a mother! I will always love my mother for being such a brave and strong woman far beyond one could imagine just because of us children.

Years later I learned that mother's cancer had spread so much that she waited so long to leave that something happened to her on the train and it left her addled, but even without full thinking capacity, she managed to catch a cab and get to Walter Reed. The odds of knowing someone at the hospital were slim to none, but in the Lord's plan, mother had a second cousin named Ruth who was a nurse at that time at Walter Reed. Mother wrote us letters except the last one which Ruth wrote for her. That letter was written the night before she died. Mother had been to Walter Reed a number of times but on her final journey, she died on the 13th day of her stay. Ruth was with her and was actually pulling her up in the bed when she died. I have peace in knowing she died in Ruth's arms.

Many years later I saw Ruth and we talked at length about mother and she told us all that mother was worried about was us children and what would happen to us. I do not think we let her down, I think we have lived lives that would make her happy and maybe a little more proud of my brother as he was the successful one. I was and still am the black sheep of the family. :)

This was on my heart and on my mind and has been since yesterday. I just want you folks to know that I had a mother that lived only 46 years and a dad that lived only 28 years, but I had the best mother and daddy in the world in my eyes! I miss my mother so much to this day. Never having seen my dad, it is like a void on that part of my life. Do we ever get too old to not need our mothers? I think not. For those that still have your moms and dads, please cherish every minute that you have with them and tell them how much you love them.

I wrote what I felt today. I am very thankful for this beautiful sunny day and I am thankful for life and all the good things I have and most of all I am thankful for the memories etched forever in my heart and memory.


God Bless!