Monday, May 14, 2007

my mother is on my mind...

Some of you folks have seen this picture, but since I have some new readers, I am inserting it. :)

I hope all of you had a good weekend and all you mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day. I was pleased to have my youngest son with us and to talk with our oldest son in Ohio. I am truly blessed with two fine sons that love the Lord and give so much pleasure to me by seeing them happy and productive in their fields they chose in life.

I also thought about my own mother yesterday. August of this year, my mother will have been gone for 49 years. I was only 14 when she died, but I clearly remember many things as if it were yesterday. I remember her being diagnosed in 1953 and saw her suffer for the next five years. She had her surgery done at Duke University Hospital in Durham and spent many days in the hospital for the next five years, either at Ft. Bragg or Walter Reed Army Hospital. The times she was home was the best of times. I was the type of person that got homesick very easy, although I had to spend many nights away from mother. For those that have been homesick know it is truly a terrible feeling of helplessness.

We have come so far in treatment for cancer. Had we had then what we have now, I feel sure my mother would not have died from the cancer. The ironic fact that my oldest son is a scientist in cancer research just makes me proud in the right sorta way. From the time my dad was killed when she was pregnant with me, me and my brother was her life. We had little in material things, but we had much in love and enjoying our time together. I remember when my mother got down and was in such pain that she would pray to die. Even as a child, it hurt my heart to see her suffer and I could not do anything for her. My brother was two years older and he could drive at the time she was the worst and did so much more for our mother than I did or could. He called him "her little man" and he really was!

Mother was a tough lady to the very end. She did not want to die at home so she had told the doctor there in our little town to be sure and tell her when to go to the hospital. My brother knew lots more than I did, but mother sent me to church camp for a week, so I would not be there when she left for her final trip to Walter Reed.

My brother took her to the train station at Hamlet and they said their goodbyes. It takes a brave mother to see me leave for church camp knowing that would be the last time she would see me, yet she did not shed a tear or let on in the least and she did it all for me! That is a mother! I will always love my mother for being such a brave and strong woman far beyond one could imagine just because of us children.

Years later I learned that mother's cancer had spread so much that she waited so long to leave that something happened to her on the train and it left her addled, but even without full thinking capacity, she managed to catch a cab and get to Walter Reed. The odds of knowing someone at the hospital were slim to none, but in the Lord's plan, mother had a second cousin named Ruth who was a nurse at that time at Walter Reed. Mother wrote us letters except the last one which Ruth wrote for her. That letter was written the night before she died. Mother had been to Walter Reed a number of times but on her final journey, she died on the 13th day of her stay. Ruth was with her and was actually pulling her up in the bed when she died. I have peace in knowing she died in Ruth's arms.

Many years later I saw Ruth and we talked at length about mother and she told us all that mother was worried about was us children and what would happen to us. I do not think we let her down, I think we have lived lives that would make her happy and maybe a little more proud of my brother as he was the successful one. I was and still am the black sheep of the family. :)

This was on my heart and on my mind and has been since yesterday. I just want you folks to know that I had a mother that lived only 46 years and a dad that lived only 28 years, but I had the best mother and daddy in the world in my eyes! I miss my mother so much to this day. Never having seen my dad, it is like a void on that part of my life. Do we ever get too old to not need our mothers? I think not. For those that still have your moms and dads, please cherish every minute that you have with them and tell them how much you love them.

I wrote what I felt today. I am very thankful for this beautiful sunny day and I am thankful for life and all the good things I have and most of all I am thankful for the memories etched forever in my heart and memory.

God Bless!


Anonymous said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mother! I know she would be proud of you & Ron. You have shared a lot of your thoughts & memories of your mom with me; I agree that we are never too old to need our mothers. In fact, I can remember my own mom telling me that when I was a teenager! I had my Mom until I was 55, cannot imagine how it must have felt for you to lose yours when you were only 14.
Love you,

Betty said...

This is one of the most moving accounts of love that I have ever read...Your mother was heroic in every way....I'm sure she is very pleased with you and your brother and smiles down on you.....

Thanks for coming by to visit with me and the kind comments....Betty

Grammie said...

Beautiful and heartfelt blog today, Claudia..... TN said...

I loved the thoughts about your Mother. I cannot imagine losing your Mother at 14.

Marci said...

Claudia, what a wonderful Mom you had. Thanks for the kind comments about my Mom. I have been told it will hurt for ever, but gets a bit better each year.


My heart is feeling the pain you feel and with tears in my eyes, I say, I am very sure that your Mom is very proud of you. I hear her strength in your words and I feel her love in the caring way you have. I wish you could have known her longer but I am glad to know that she gave you more than enough for you to be the kind and thoughtful person you are today. God bless and keep you. connie from Texas

Moobear said...

I feel like I should thank each of you for your kind and concerning thoughts.

To my best friend Paulette, I love you. You are the perfect definition of a friend. Thanks for ALWAYS being here for me. There is not one thing I can ask you that I don't get a wise and thought out amswer. I admire you for doing all you do with your heart condition. You are certainly special and will always be special to me.

Betty, I have so much enjoyed your blog and getting to know a little about you and I have found you are a kind, caring person who loves the Lord and I am so glad you come to vist me!I am so glad your ministry reaches the lost and blesses the saved. Thanks for your inspiring post and always having nice things to say to me!

Grammie, oh you have been one of my faithful readers and have been with me from the very beginning. You are such a sweet and caring person and I am honored to have you as a friend.You are a wonderful
mom and Grammie!

Clara, another one of the very first I met and I appreciate all the encouragement you have given me on this blog journey. You are a true friend of mine- just over the mountain.

Marci, you too are one of my faithful and I will always remember what you did for me. You went far beyond what most would have done. I thank you!

Connie, last in the list, but I took them in the order they came in. Your blog has lifted my spirits many days when I was down and I can feel the very presence of the Lord through your post. I truly thank the Lord for leading me to your blog. God Bless you Connie and I do hope your back is better. God is good!